CHAPTER FIVE

A Terrible Death

When Tess woke up the next morning, there were no fancy clothes for her to wear. It was Monday, the beginning of the workweek. No visitors came. When she woke up, Tess was surrounded by her innocent brothers and sisters. When Tess thought about how she had lost her innocence, she grew depressed. She saw a long, difficult and lonely road ahead of her with nothing to hope for. Tess wanted to die.

Over the next few weeks, Tess slowly cheered up. She even went to church on Sundays. Tess loved the old songs she knew so well, and she lost herself in the beautiful music. She sat in a dark, quiet corner of the church and listened to the minister. Soon, village people noticed her at church. They whispered about Tess, and she knew she couldn't go to church anymore.

From then on, Tess spent most of her time in the bedroom she shared with the other Durbeyfield children. She watched the wind, snow and rain from her window. She admired sunsets and full moons. Many people thought she had gone away because she only went out at night. Tess liked to walk in the woods and fields because she had no fear of the dark. She only feared seeing other people. In the lonely hills she found peace, but she felt guilt when surrounded by the innocence of nature.

When it rained, Tess thought nature was crying over her shame. When the wind howled, she thought nature was angry with her. She did not understand that even though society thought she had broken one of its rules, she was still innocent. She had not hurt the natural world.

One morning in August, a group of men and women walked down the road to reap the day's harvest. They entered a yellow cornfield near Marlott village.

Three horses pulled a reaping machine through the field and cut down the corn. The places where small animals lived also disappeared. The animals hid, unaware that they would not escape the machine in the end.

Men and women followed the machine, picked up ears of corn and tied them together. The girls wore large hats to keep the sun off their faces, and they wore gloves to protect their hands. The prettiest girl wore a pale pink jacket. She looked at no one while she worked. When she stood up and rested, you could see her beautiful face. She was young, with dark eyes and long, thick hair.

The girl was Tess Durbeyfield. Her life had changed so much that she lived like a stranger in her own village.

That morning Tess often looked at the hill. At 11 o'clock, children came from over the hill. One child carried a baby. The men and women stopped their work.

Tess blushed. She sat away from the others and took the baby from the girl. She opened her dress and fed her baby. She was very embarrassed. The men were kind and looked away, while the women talked about other things. Tess played with the baby, and then kissed it so violently that it cried. It seemed that Tess could not stop.

"She loves that baby, even though she says she hates it and wishes they were both dead," said a woman who had been watching Tess.

"She'll get used to it. This happens to many girls," said another.

"It wasn't her fault. She was forced to have sex that night in The Chase. People could hear her crying. Surely, the gentleman who did this to her would have been punished if someone had walked by."

"It always happens to the pretty ones. Ugly women are perfectly safe," said another woman.

Tess did not know the women were talking about her. She had spent months crying about what had happened in the forest. Then she decided the past had to be forgotten. Life went on, and soon she and her problem would be forgotten.

Tess mostly feared what people said about her. She thought they talked about her constantly, but few people talked about her. Even so, Tess would have been happier with no other people around. She was unhappy because she believed she had been rejected by society.

Tess wanted to be useful. She wanted to work. So she helped gather the harvest.

Tess ate her lunch very fast. She worked again until dark. Everyone went home together on one of the large harvest wagons. They sang and laughed.

When Tess got home, she discovered that her baby had grown ill during the afternoon. He was so small that the doctor was not surprised about his sickness. Tess was still shocked. It was obvious that her baby was dying. She forgot the shame she usually felt about his birth, and only wanted him to stay alive. It was an even greater problem because the baby had not been baptized.

Tess did not have well developed ideas about religion. She believed that she would go to hell for her loss of innocence, so she didn't care about what happened to her after she died. But she loved her baby and did not want him to go to hell.

Even though it was getting late, Tess asked her Father to send for the minister. Her father had just returned from the bar. When he was drunk, he was most ashamed of what had happened to Tess. He would not let the minister into his home. He shut and locked the door.

After the family went to sleep, Tess realized that her baby was close to death. Suddenly, she had an idea. She woke her brothers and sisters. She poured water into a bowl and asked them to kneel beside it. They put their hands together as if they were in church. The sleepy children silently watched Tess, not knowing what to say. She wore a long, white night gown, and her long hair hung in her face. She looked hopeful. Her beautiful face looked pure.

"Are you going to baptize him?" one of her sisters asked. "What will his new name be?"

Tess remembered the story of Adam and Eve in the Bible. Because Adam and Eve had sinned, God had made them unhappy forever.

Tess looked at the baby. "Your new name is Sorrow," she said. "I now baptize you in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost."

She splashed water on the baby. "Say 'Amen.'"

"Amen," said the children.

Tess dipped her hand into the water and drew a cross on the baby's chest with her finger. She repeated words she had heard in church, asking God to protect her baby from evil. Candlelight was shining in her eyes. The children looked at her amazed. She seemed like a god to them.

Sorrow's fight against evil was not long. It was probably lucky for him that he died so young. He was born in shame, so his life would have been very difficult. Tess was calm when he died because she no longer worried that he would go to hell.

Tess wondered if Sorrow could be buried at the church. She went to the minister's house that night to talk with him.

"Sir, my baby was ill. I wanted you to baptize him, but my drunken father would not allow it. So I baptized him. Is he safe just like he would have been if you had baptized him?" Tess asked.

The minister wanted to say no. She had done his job, but he liked Tess' strong will.

"My dear, it is just the same," he lied.

"Then, can we bury him at the church?"

The minister felt trapped. It was difficult to answer Tess' questions.

"It's different," said the minister. "I'm sorry, but we cannot."

Tess wept. "Please have pity on me and tell me the truth. Will my baby go to hell?"

The minister forgot the strict rules of his job.

"It will be the same," he said.

So the baby was put into a cheap wooden box. It was carried to the church at night. In the corner of the churchyard, there was a corner where drunks and unbaptized babies and people who committed suicide were buried. Sorrow was buried there, too. It cost Tess a penny and she had to buy the gravedigger a beer. At night, when no one could see her, Tess put a cross on Sorrow's grave.

Tess did not know what to do. She lived with her parents and took care of the children. All winter long, she made them clothes and worked when she could. More time passed and important dates happened again: the night of her shame, the baby's birth and death, her birthday. One day she was looking in the mirror. Then she thought about another date, her death.

It was then that Tess became a complicated woman. She often looked thoughtful and her voice was serious. Sometimes she sounded terrible. Her eyes grew larger. She changed into a very beautiful woman. Even though she had suffered, she had gained confidence from her terrible experiences.

Most of the people in the village had forgotten her trouble. Even so, she did not think she could be happy in Marlott. Trying to be a part of the rich d'Urberville family now seemed foolish and shameful to her. She believed that her family would never be respected again. She only hoped to find a place with no family connections and no bad memories. She wanted to escape from Marlott and lose her past.

So Tess looked for jobs far from Marlott. She heard that a dairy farmer to the south needed to hire a milkmaid for the summer. She decided to go.

Even though Tess said she would forget her ancestors, she was interested in the dairy farm because it was near the old d'Urberville lands. She hoped that some good would come of her living on her ancestors' land. Tess began to hope again.

(end of section)